How Can You Free And Heal Yourself From Physical Abuse? Part II

In the article How Can Someone Tell You That They Love You And In The Next Minute To Abuse You I told you about 7 reasons why the abuser can suffer violence at the same time and still love you.

In the last article, entitled How To Free Yourself And Heal From Physical Abuse Part I, I told you about two ways to heal yourself. Do therapy and write him a love letter.

Today I will continue to talk to you about four ways to heal you. I know you may have been disappointed.

You were expecting some ways to change him, instead, I talked to you about how to heal yourself.

Well, yes. By changing yourself first, you can get him to do it. And maybe he won’t even realize he’s doing it.

“Be the change you want to see in the world!” (Gandhi)

Learn to love yourself

First of all, you need to start loving yourself.

You can create some love statements for yourself and your inner child.

Often, the reason you now suffer as an adult is that the inner child in your soul is also suffering. He was wronged, abused, asked for greater things than he could lead, had to meet very high expectations, close to perfection on the part of adults although they weren’t perfect either.

He had to endure the projections that others made on him, to take the blame for the flaws and unfulfillments of the great ones, that he was hurt.

To heal him, you need to sit in front of the mirror and talk to him, say words of encouragement and love. Then check how you feel.

You may find that you can’t look in the mirror, that you can’t say compliments to yourself, that you can’t congratulate yourself on something you’ve done right. You might even feel pain.

I’m saying you might because everyone reacts differently.

Some feel pain, others discomfort, others cannot breathe, feel like they are suffocating, or begin to cry.

Let me tell you a short story.

A few years ago, I was working EFT technique with a friend to overcome a stressful situation more easily. We didn’t get into much of the technique. At the Karate point, where you say the formula “Even if I feel… I choose to forgive myself and accept myself completely and fully” she began to cry.

When I asked her why she was crying, she told me she couldn’t love herself. All of her childhood she was compared to others, and she was found inferior to those around her, so she was left with the impression that everyone else was perfect, and she is not.

I told her that it’s not true at all, that everyone has flaws, that everyone is wrong, but that most people are very good at hiding their flaws so that looking from the outside to create the impression that they are perfect.

Try it. Gently tap the karate point and say what hurts you, then continue with the love me and accept myself as I am. Check how you feel and how your body reacts to this formula.

For example, you can use: Even though I’ve been abused, and that makes me feel… I choose to forgive myself and accept myself as I am. You might feel okay. But if you don’t feel it, then you can change the words you say.

Even though I’ve been abused and it makes me feel… I choose to open up, to learn, to love myself for who I am. Why so many verbs? Because if you can’t love yourself, you need to learn to do it first. But some people are also resisting at learning. Therefore, you need first to open your mind and heart to accept to learn to love yourself.

Give respect!

The first person you have to respect is yourself.

In my job as a teacher, I have met many students who were being bullied by other children and waiting for a parent or teacher to intervene to save them from the fists and legs of others.

But those students have such low self-esteem that they are addicted to the help of older people to help them to escape.

And the parent and the teacher can’t save them forever. They have to learn to take a stand. So are you.

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” (E. Roosevelt)

If you’ve been hit, treated brutally, humiliated, it’s because you accepted it. And this behavior started as a child.

I taught my students who are brutalized by others to start saying the statement repeatedly every night and morning: I am an important person and I deserve respect.

I practiced this technique myself when I recommended it to the students. I rehearsed every night and every morning a few times. Then, a few weeks later, while reading an internet post from a leader I follow and admire, I wrote some comments that were appreciated by the leader who had made the post. That made me feel so much better.

Even if it takes time, self-confidence, self-esteem once they’re built, they start to benefit you. You feel different. You’re respected. Suddenly you have a different value. And with that value, you’ll see that you no longer easily come to being brutalized. You learn to stand up and make some changes.

The second person you have to respect is your abuser himself. It’s important to give him respect. It’s possible that the reason he terrorizes you with his aggression is exactly the disrespect he perceives from you. Giving him the respect he wants, he’ll respect you in turn, or at least he won’t brutalize you anymore.

Forgive!

It’s the hardest thing you have to do.

You feel like you want revenge, not forgiveness.

You feel like it’s not worth giving him this gift.

You are right. He is not worth it. But you deserve it.

You deserve to sleep at night without thinking about revenge, without being worry about what can happen to you.

You deserve to be healthy because if you don’t sleep, you get sick. Forgive him for your continuous well-being.

You deserve to have peace of mind knowing that no matter how cruel the one who is hurting you, you can move on. Because if you don’t forgive him, you’re stuck to what’s going on in your life, and instead of progressing, you’re going backward.

Don’t forgive him for his credit, forgive him for your merit.

Pray!

When you are desperate, the best salvation is always prayer.

Ask the Almighty to help the aggressor to change.

Pray He gives him a good thought.

Pray to give him forgiveness and patience. And to you as well.

After all, nothing is impossible with God, and if you have been given this burden, it means that you can carry it. And when you find it too heavy, I learned an extraordinary prayer.

God the Son, while being condemned by the Jews to carry his Cross to be crucified on it, fell under its weight. Then a HUMAN named Simon of Cherene helped him and took the Cross in his place.

So, when nothing works, you can use the following prayer:

“Lord, if you, being a God, needed my help, of a human, to carry your Cross when it was too heavy for you, help me in return to carry my Cross!” (And God, who does not owe anyone, will help you).

I used this prayer when I felt lost, pointless in life, and I felt that everything around me was too difficult to endure.

I sat down at prayer, said it, and when I got up, I knew what I had to do.

In the third part of this article, I will present you with a series of techniques to make your life easier, to free yourself from these traumas, and to heal yourself permanently.

Best regards,

Fanica Rarinca, blogger: Fanautodidact, author of: Patronel and Soriela, Eliberează-te de rănile trecutului și redescoperă fericrea!, Mica Stea Portocalie